Tear my heart open...x

Is this a revolution of the mind?...I am sat here thinking thoughts that i dont even understand...is this world too hard for me? Am i capable of living in this society?...I feel alone in this. I want to create something beautiful. I want to leave this world feeling that I have inspired at least one person. I keep losing myself in myself...is this normal? Is this the way I am supposed to feel? Everytime I speak my heart falls apart just a little bit more...I dont want to be this way but I feel I cant help it. Does anybody understand? I try so hard to resist the temptation of just disappearing...yes it is selfish. But arn't we all?...I want to shut off my mind, box up my heart and fall away from this, fill my lungs with smoke and disease and just lie here...silent...screaming inside my head. Screaming for sanity. For a justification for my emotions...a reason for this pain. Am I ill?...Am I over exaggerating this?...Am I over analysing?...I don't know anymore. All I know is that my mind is dead. My heart is afraid. All that is left is a crushed imagination...hoping for some inspiration...and a reason to exist in this world...x