Jeremy Warmsley
Brett Dennen
Rosie Golan
Cherbourg
The Rumble Strips

Listen to these!!! Now!!!!...

K Bye...x

Helloooooo...x

I am in the library :) I'm a lil bit bored but I'm okay cause I have Vincents headphones and he is e-mailing me :)...x I am in a verrryyyy goood mood now. He just makes me smile lots :) xxx Bye

life...x

I'm not good at life at the moment, only 2 things are making me happy, and thats Vincent, and my friends...x I am having problems with my family and I think thats because I need more freedom. I don't know. My mum seems to hate me and I don't know why...x I just wish she would accept me for who I am and understand that I love Vincent, more than anything, and that he makes me happy...x

Oh I don't know...x

I need him to give me a hug...x

On the upside though, Vincent and I are going to Chesterfield College Art Exhibition tonight, I am quite excited :)...x Then hopefully I will be spending the weekend with him :)...that will make me very happy :)

Anyways will probably write later cause I am waiting in school for Vincent and I get bored very quickly :P

need a picture nowwww...ermmmy...1 sec...goooogle...:)

yay! Byebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

haha me thinks...

yeah K bye...x

Seattle police officers investigate the greenhouse where Cobain's body was found, April 8, 1994.

Seattle police known to be at the scene were:

Capt. Larry Farrar
Lt. George Marberg, Lt. Al Gerdes, Lt. Ziminsky

Sgt. Don Cameron, Sgt. Jeff Getchman

Det. Jim Yoshida, Det. Steve Kirkland
Off. Joe Fewel, Off. Von Levandowski
King County Medical Examiners:

Investigator Dave Delgado

Dr. Nick Hartshorne, Dr. Donald Raey

Officers who were present made very little effort to preserve the scene and document it thoroughly; arriving at 9:50am the scene was secured by 11:55am. Perhaps this was corruption or incompetence without intent, either way its negligence. These reports of the scene are clearly based on fact but inaccuracies fill the holes; inaccuracies that paint a suicidal environment.

"Nowhere in the police handling of the scene will you find any indication that the detectives were there to do anything but write up a report on the death and then get out of there... No standard
forensics testing such as fingerprint, footprint, fiber sampling, etcetera, was done at the scene. Homicide detectives were apparently willing to entertain no notion but that this was a suicide." - Richard Lee - "No evidence, it seems, is needed to close a case of alleged self-murder."

From the limited visual view and description the greenhouse appears clinical and does not corroborate with what Dylan Carlson and others have said; “It’s just a dirty little room.” Along with Dylan’s other statement – “I’ve never seen the house this clean before,” these testimonies lead to the suspicion of an intently ‘swept’ crime scene, a fundamental observation in every investigation implying a more complicated scenario.

Nikolas Hartshorne: "The fact that there was a suicide note left at the scene, point one. Point two: the weapon is still at the scene and point three: the nature of the injury. This was a contact shotgun wound to the mouth that required the gun to be against the decedent's chest and with this information makes it a classic textbook example of suicide." (VH1 Confidential)

Point one - when the authenticity of the suicide note is later questioned, Hartshorne claims one factor he pronounced as being a reason in the conclusion of suicide is now "irrelevant."

Point two and three - its logical to suggest that in the reconstruction of a 'textbook' suicide the perpetrate[s] would manipulate the crime scene fabricating the essentials, and certainly in this scene all the artifacts are ideally placed. This is no basis at all to conclude a verdict of suicide without consideration of other variables and inconsistencies present. - 'The perfect assassination looks like suicide'

3D Crime Scene Diagram

This model is not to scale, it is directly deduced from the information provided in the police reports documenting where items were located. Polaroid and 35mm cameras were used to document the scene. The films have never been developed, and to a much lesser extent the polaroids never released - "We don't develop photographs on suicides." Sgt. Cameron.

Therefore the only discernible information about the crime scene is from police reports and witness accounts. please discern the fact this diagram does not take into account the pitched roof).

The inverted shotgun distinguishing the orientation that relates to the scene diagram.

Excerpt from the Follow Up Report:

The significance of the shotgun being inverted (trigger and magazine trap door pointing up) is that it places the ejection port (where the spent shell is ejected from when fired) to Kurt's right (south). Yet the spent shell was documented as being found to Kurt's left (north). Why?

This scenario seems to defy the physics of when a gun is fired, the trappings of assimilation with some fundamental errors; It is to be believed the shotgun rotated 180° (while remaining in Kurt's left hand which was found clutching the barrell, due to rigor), and also remained ideally positioned, resting parallel on Kurt's chest directed toward his chin. Keep this in mind - "The barrel of this shotgun retracts 3" as it automatically loads the next shell into the chamber." - (Tom Grant, p.38)

On a side related issue, in this picture it's possible to presumably see the butt of the shotgun between Kurt's legs as stated in the police reports.

"Gary Smith who happens to be a journeyman electrician with no alcohol or drugs or criminal record in his background, also reports that a note was clearly visible by the body, so clear that he could read: "I Love You... I Love You" through the french windows. When the details filtered out to the press it seemed as if Kurt had placed the note in a planter box with a pen stuck through it (as reflected in the police reports). In reality the police photographer moved it across the room to get a better shot of it and failed to photograph it in it's exact original position near the body."

- A passage taken from Hank Harrison's book, Beyond Nirvana, p54.

This apparently originates from conversation between Grant and Smith, which Grant later divulged to Harrison.

MISINFORMED SUICIDAL TRAITS:

Although these factors all seem small, they were widely proliferated around the death of Kurt and had an impact by misleading people to draw conclusions as to what had happened on false facts.

1.) Namely the positioning of a stool. It was reported at the time Kurt had barricaded himself inside the room: Police narrative: "There are stairs on the west side leading to the french door entry and another set of french doors on the east side which lead to a balcony. These doors are unlocked and closed but there is a stool with a box of gardening supplies on it in front of the door." - "Off. Levandowski observed the french doors at the opposite end of the room were blocked by a stool; preventing access."

This factor should have been of little relevance, the stool was only sitting infront of an unlocked set of doors that led to a balcony. Not only that, but the eastern french doors open outwards onto the balcony, this makes the notion of a barricade (suggesting nobody could leave) completely irrelevant; an assailant could exit and draw the stool up close to the door before shutting it.

The west entrance french doors were not blocked; Although locked, this was a simple twist lock which can be locked prior to leaving.

April 15th, Grant met with Sgt. Cameron to discuss his suspicions and mentioned the lock on the western door does not qualify in concluding Kurt was alone, to which Cameron replied - "There was a stool wedged up against the door" - False. The misconstrued media myth of a barricade prevailed.

The importance being Smith's testimony is an eye witness illustration of police tampering with material evidence.

2.) A recognised mannerism in violent suicide is to leave a form of identification readily available. It was reported by the media that Kurt had infact left his wallet open displaying his drivers license. This is completely untrue, in reality the closed wallet was opened by an officer - "SFD asked for I.D. from the nearby wallet, and I opened the wallet which was within a couple of feet of the victims body. Inside I found a Washington state drivers license in the name of Cobain, Kurt Donald DOB/022067".

3.) Reports documenting a crime scene should be described factually, without bias and final conclusions. In this case it obviously wasn't; the note left at the scene was claimed to incite suicide and was written to Courtney and Frances explaining "why he had killed himself". These remarks were pronounced before a clear evaluation could have been made and were taken as fact.
These small points which indicate manipulation of the factual crime scene were leaked to the hungry media and deceptively confirmed this as a suicide in retrospect.

BLOOD POOL?
According to police reports there was "obvious trama" to the head but no exit wound, resulting in "a large drying puddle of blood to the left of the victim." - Was the volume of blood ever seriously evaluated in relation to the nature of the injury? Gary Smith who initially mistook the body for a mannequin because it looked so neat only realised the situation when he noticed blood in the right ear. Does this picture sound feasible for a shotgun wound to the head suicide? Clearly we have no pictures that display whether the pool was sufficient or non-sufficient for the type of wound made this is merely an assumption based upon Smith's perception.
In the case of a gunshot wound to the head the wound continues to issue copious amounts of blood for a short period due to the autonomic function of the heart. There are other factors this is reliant upon such as the angle of the shot, all of which we do not yet know, inclusive of the autospy report.
This is best demonstrated by Bud Dwyer, who committed suicide on camera during a press conference (viewer discretion is advised, this is vivid imagery). The comparative lack of blood for this type of trauma is an indication that the gunshot might have been administered post-mortem, the heart had already stopped; the result of a lethal dosage of heroin, and possibly blood coagulation already begun. The supposition that no exit wound would result in a lack of blood is false, as seen in Bud Dwyer's case the exit wound is irrelevant to the volume of blood lost. In addition the destruction to the palette of the mouth would be comparatively larger when factoring in a shotgun.
This scenario would either assume corruption on the part of the medical examiner who performed the autospy; Nikolas Hartshorne, or severe incompetence, as the picture is very different if a wound is delivered post death. The question being could the perpetrate[s] foreshadow a non-investigation by the police unless they knew someone had the power to cover it up beforehand?
It is very possible the shotgun wound was administered while Kurt was under sedation, in this case the cause of death would be a perforating shotgun wound to the mouth.

Just something to consider...

He might not even be dead, no forensic tests were carried out...whas it even his body?

Kurt Cobain lives on!!!

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebye..x

Suicide note...x

To Boddah:

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton
who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile
complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to
understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over
the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we
say, ethics involved with independence and the
embracement of your community had proven to be
very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening
to as well as creating music along with reading and
writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond
words about these things.
For example, when we're backstage and the lights go
out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't
affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury,
who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration
from the crowd which is something I totally admire
and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you.
It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I
can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and
pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.

Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time
clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God,
believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate
the fact that I and we have affected and
entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those
narcissists who only appreciate things when they're
gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in
order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better
appreciation for all the people I've known personally,
and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over
the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for
everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I
simply love people too much, so much that it makes
me feel too sad. The sad little, sensitive,
unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you
just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition
and empathy and a daughter who reminds me
too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy,
kissing every person she meets because everyone is
good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me
to the point to where I can barely function. I can't
stand the thought of Frances becoming the
miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've
become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but
since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards
all humans in general. Only because it seems so
easy for people to get along that have empathy.
Only because I love and feel sorry for people too
much, I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning,
nauseous stomach for your letters and concern
during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic,
moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so
remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy,
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.



I love you, I love you!

The parts I have highlighted in red are the bits that I dont believe that Kurt cobain would have written. The most part of the note is just himself apologising to his fans and saying that he is going to basically quit Nirvana and start a new life...the rest is her...and as you can see in the picture the hand writing does change at the bottom..x

I am right, I know I am....x

I feel ill now...x

Erm..Bye...x

Obsessed...x

Now I realize this may sound a little brash or even shocking to most of my readers, most of whom, like myself fell for all the news stories of his suicide.


But this was probably the most fumbled or covered up homicide investigation ever! Actually it wasn't even an investigation, it was declared a suicide before the police even arrived on the scene! Seems hard to believe, right? But there's more... How many people commit suicide with a very high and very fatal dose of heroin and then neatly put away the drug paraphernalia taking care to wipe clean the fingerprints?

Then, after this fatal dose of heroin, is able to finish himself off with a shotgun blast and once again, carefully remove fingerprints, this time from the shotgun?

OK, there are a lot of questions that have never been answered.

It's not my objective here to place blame on anyone. But they always say in any murder investigation to "follow the money." Who would have gained the most from Kurt Cobain's death? No, couldn't be her. After all haven't we all heard on the news about that happy couple, Kurt and Courtney? They didn't tell you that Kurt's lawyer was working on divorce papers and this lawyer had prepared a new will (just waiting for his signature) that would have cut out Courtney? And that since the couple had signed pre-nups, Courtney wouldn't get much in the divorce.

Of course, Kurt Cobain had drug problems, but it seemed like he was just beginning to turn his life around and making many plans for his life without Courtney.

Maybe Courtney had nothing to do with Kurt's demise, but she was sure anxious to get rid of all the evidence. She had his body cremated in a day or so, the blood-soaked shirt Kurt was wearing, she made sure she got back immediately, so she could wear it!

No, it had to be a suicide, after all wasn't there a suicide note written by Kurt? Yes there was a note in Kurt's signature, some have said that this was actually a note he was working on to his fans, because he was dropping out of that part of the music business he had been in and moving to New York. It's interesting that there was a an addition to this suicide note that spelled out in more detail that he was ending it all. And very Interesting though that this addition to the note wasn't even in Kurt's handwriting and didn't match the rest of the note! And there was good information that Courtney had in her possession a sheet of paper that was a practice sheet for what was written on that suspicious addition to the "suicide" note!

Care to look over some of this evidence for yourself?

Photos and news stories on KURT COBAIN’S death…

http://www.kurtcobainnews.com/Death-Kurt-Cobain.html

How did KURT COBAIN really die? Do these photos tell the whole story?

http://www.kurtcobainnews.com/kurt-cobain-crime-scene-photos.html

Here’s some photos of KURT COBAIN’S HOUSE in Seattle, including shots of the room over the garage where Kurt died:

http://www.kurtcobainnews.com/Kurt-Cobain-House-Photos.html

((yes i did paste this from another blog, but I thought that people need to understand where my thinking comes from, I am not insane, this did happen, I am not the only one who believes it...))

sexiest man alive!!!!

HOT!

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Sooooo frickin boreedddd !!!

i have 45 minutes to wait till the end of the day, just so I can see Vincent...! Tis sooo ficking gay...! The only reson I come to school is to see him, and the rest of the time i am sat like a lonerrr doing nothing but writing these frickin blogs that don't even turn out interesting, so I am sorry if you are reading these thinking that I am boring...haha...! But infact I guess no one reads these so it doesn't really matter...x

ERM!!!!! PICTURE?????YES PLEASE!!!!!

Talking to shadows...x

Yes my obsession has gotten out of control...It's scaring me now for the first time ever...also my imagination is beginning to scare me...making up my own reality that is too far away from the actual real world that it scares any 'normal person', to be honest though I find it quite funny, however others do not.

I know that Kurt Cobain might very well be dead, but I just cannot let myself believe it. He is too much a part of me to just let him die along with the other great people like; Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Bob Marley, Buddy Holly. He is too important to just fade away...x

Like he said, it's far better to burn out than fade away, even though technically he didn't say that...because he didn't write his suicide note, Courtney Love did...Cause she was the one that killed him.

Anywaysssss...should stop talking about that.

Have to go, and going a lil bit mental...x

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

I need to start recording my covers and posting them onto youtube...x

I'm watching videos of a girl on youtube, she posts her covers of songs and yes, she is very good, but the annoying thing is that I can do it too...I can sing like that, i love it so much. But i don't do it. I need to get my music out there more. I need people to hear me, then maybe I will get noticed.

I'm going to go home and learn some songs soooon :) x
Some paramore and counting crows, will post them on you tube and put the links on here so anyone can have a look :) x Bye x

Vincent...x <3

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Drugs...insanity...n all that jazz ...x

She sees the world for what it truly is...

She disappears

falls...

Silently

Down into a colourful oblivion

Beauty...x

is

Insanity...x

Kurt Donald Cobain...x

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebye..x

Bipolar Girrrl...x

I just found out that Kurt Cobain had Bipolar Disorder...x

Kurt Cobain, musician. His cousin, Beverly Cobain, a "registered nurse (…) [with] experience as a mental health professional" and author of a book, When Nothing Matters Anymore: A Survival Guide for Depressed Teens, stated in an interview: "Kurt was diagnosed at a young age with Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD], then later with bipolar disorder; (…) As Kurt undoubtedly knew, bipolar illness can be very difficult to manage, and the correct diagnosis is crucial. Unfortunately for Kurt, compliance with the appropriate treatment is also a critical factor."

According to a family member, grunge rocker Kurt Cobain was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as an adult.1 Cobain made several attempts at committing suicide, which his cousin describes as a cry for help.
Some people believe that Kurt was manic depressive because he wrote his famous song Lithium - the most important drug in treating this disorder. However, Lithium was an early Cobain song, written some years before Nirvana were major stars or Kurt's most serious problems developed. There is no evidence that Kurt ever took lithium and it is unlikely that he had already received a bipolar diagnosis at the time.


In an interview with Chris Morris of Musician, Kurt said the song was about: "breaking up with girlfriends and having bad relationships, feeling that death void that the person in the song is feeling - very lonely, sick."
Strong evidence connecting Kurt Cobain and manic depression comes from an interview with Kurt's cousin, Bev Cobain. This interview contains the following question and answer:
Q: Did Kurt have other mental health problems besides general depression?
A: Kurt was diagnosed at a young age with Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD], then later with bipolar disorder [also known as manic-depression]. Bipolar illness has the same characteristics as major clinical depression, but with mood swings, which present as rage, euphoria, high energy, irritability, distractibility, overconfidence, and other symptoms. As Kurt undoubtedly knew, bipolar illness can be very difficult to manage, and the correct diagnosis is crucial. Unfortunately for Kurt, compliance with the appropriate treatment is also a critical factor.

Kurt was depressed for much of his life - as a child he would seek sanctuary in his bedroom closet.


Kurt's periods of withdrawal and lethargy have been extensively chronicled elsewhere. His depression is not disputed and so I won't rehash a lot of details here.
Since his youth Kurt spoke constantly of suicide and an early death. "I hate myself and want to die" was Kurt's personal mantra - he repeated it constantly in conversation and in his journals, hurled it at journalists during interviews, and even intended using it as an album title.
However depression is only one half of the story of Kurt Cobain and manic depression.

The other half of the story of Kurt Cobain and manic depression is, of course, mania. Mania can be expressed in many different ways, for example the rage, euphoria, high energy, irritability, distractibility, and overconfidence listed by Bev Cobain, and illustrated in hundreds of incidents documented in the Cross biography Heavier than Heaven.


Kurt's music and lyrics display incredible emotional complexity - a far richer canvas of moods than simple depression or nihilism. According to bipolar expert Dr Kay Redfield Jamison in From Napoleon to Kurt Cobain: Cultural Legends: "As music is a language communicating moods, the emotional intensity of bipolar disorder apparently can add depth to musical expression."
What other clues, aside from the oft noted link betwen creative genius and bipolar disorder, indicate a connection between Kurt Cobain and manic depression? Where can we see mania as well as depression?
- Kurt abused alcohol as well as drugs. Studies show that bipolar people are much more likely than simply depressed people or the population in general to be alcoholic. Further, alcoholics are more likely than members of the general population to be bipolar.
- High energy: Many people frequently complained of Kurt's laziness but this oscillated with periods where he was highly productive, either in the studio or song writing at home, and his frenetic energy on-stage is legendary.
- Rage: Kurt frequently wrote highly emotional, angry letters to or about people he felt had wronged him. He would invariably demolish stage sets and hotel rooms - sometimes done in high spirits and sometimes in a fury. Either way it shows the impulsivity and lack of inhibition characteristic of bipolar people
- Writing: Since early childhood Kurt wrote and drew prolifically. His pressured writing and inordinate production of written declarations, poetry and artwork are highly typical of mania.
A definite picture of Kurt Cobain and manic depression emerges from the above.
Finally, there are the mood swings and erratic behavior such as Kurt's much publicized escapes from rehab, his eccentric behavior with his numerous pets, and bizarre preoccupations with things like flipper babies. This is not intended as an attack on Kurt - just an attemppt to list the many ways we can connect Kurt Cobain and manic depression.

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god.

I'm so lonely. And that's ok.
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad. And just maybe.
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's ok. My will is good.

(Chorus) I like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack. I love you.
I'm not gonna crack. I kill you. I'm not gonna crack. (x2)

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candlrs.
In a daze cause I've found god.

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Picatures that make me smile...x

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

:)

My last post made me seem like I was unhappy...I am happy...x I just love that song, it highlights my insecurities...x A waste of paint...x Tis pretty...x

lyrics...x Random songs...x



But I love you more than anyone I know
I do not know anyone at all
If I return just to find that I'm dead to you,
can my ghost lie in bed with you?
I'll possess your boyfriend's body,
then you'll be making love to me..- David Dondero-The Prince William Sound-Simple Love
 
So let's take a loan out
Put it down on a house
In a place we've never lived
in a place that exists
In the pages of scripts and
the songs that they sing
And all the beautiful things
That make you weep but
Don't have to make you weak- Rilo Kiley- I never- More Dangerous

When you look at me
i'll be digesting your legs
cause i can hardly see
whats in front of me these days
and those days, too.
i gotta take what im making and turn it into something for you...i gotta break what im making and turn it into nothing for you..."
-Manchester Orchestra-Where have you been?- I'm like a virgin losing a child

A black sheep boy grows horns,
breathing smoke through his microphone.
The airwaves stretch and they groan, bleeding, birthing his black diapason.-Okkervil River- So Come Back, I am Waiting- Black Sheep Boy ((best song ever))...x
 
Hey! You! Watch your face!
I got a pocket full of fists, you got a stupid face
Hey! You! Watch your face!
You're like Kentucky Fried Chicken, but without the taste.-Fight Like Apes-Jake Summers-How am I supposed to Kill You If You have all The Guns?

NOW JUST SONGS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TOO!

*Dananananaykroyd- Watch This!****
*Sky Larkin- Pica****
*Thomas Tantrum- Shake it! Shake it!****
*Johnny Foreigner- Dark Harbourzz****
*Bell X1- Rocky Took A Lover*****((pretty)) 'I'll burn for you, I'll shine for you, thats what I'll do'
*The Coronas- Decision Time *****
 'I don't want forever to start from now
And you know me I get freaked out,
Too worried to smile, too stubborn to cry
I shiver. I'm scared.'
*Red Light Company- With Lights Out *****
*General Fiasco- Rebel Get By **** ((Irish band)) :P
*Cathy Davey- Sing For Your Supper ***** ((pretty and awesome voice))

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Bright Eyes...x

I have a friend, he is mostly made of pain.

And he wakes up, drives to work,

and then straight back home again.

He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.

I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.

And I tried to tell him he had a sense

of color and composition so magnificent.

And he said



"Thank you, please

but your flattery

is truly not

becoming me.

Your eyes are poor.

You're blind.

You see,

no beauty could have come from me.

I'm a waste

of breath,

of space,

of time."



I knew a woman, she was dignified and true.

And her love for her man was one of her many virtues.

Until one day, she found out that he had lied

and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie.

But she was grateful for everything that had happened.

And she was anxious for all that would come next.

But then she wept.

What did you expect?

In that big, old house

with the cars she kept.

"And such is life," she often said.

With one day leading

to the next,

you get a little closer to your death,

which was fine with her.

She never got upset

and with all the days she may have left,

she would never clean

another mess

or fold his shirts

or look her best.

She was free

to waste

away

alone.



Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove.

And this cop he pulled him off to the side of the road.

And he said, "Officer! Officer! You got the wrong man.

No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand!"

The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful.

And your carelessness, it is something awful.

And no, I can't just let you go.

And though your father's name is known,

your decisions now are yours alone.

You are nothing but a stepping stone

on a path

to debt,

to loss,

to shame."



The last few months I have been living with this couple.

Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles.

They fit together, like a puzzle.

And I love their love and I am thankful

that someone actually receives the prize that was promised

by all those fairy tales that drugged us.

And they still do me.

I'm sick, lonely,

no laurel tree,

just green envy.

Will my number come up eventually?

Like Love's some kind of lottery,

where you scratch and see

what's underneath.

It's "Sorry",

just one cherry,

or "Play Again."

Get lucky.



So I've been hanging out down by the train's depot.

No, I don't ride.

I just sit and watch the people there.

And they remind me of wind up cars in motion.

The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.

And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense.

All your life's one track,

can't they see it's pointless?

But just then, my knees

give under me.

My head feels weak

and suddenly

it's clear to see

it's not them but me,

who has lost my self-identity.

As I hide behind

these books I read,

while scribbling

my poetry,

like art could save a wretch like me,

with some ideal ideology

that no one could hope to achieve.

And I am never real;

it is just a sketch in me.

And everything I made is trite

and cheap

and a waste

of paint,

of tape,

of time.



So now I park my car down by the cathedral,

where the floodlights point up at the steeples.

Choir practice was filling up with people.

I hear the sound escaping as an echo.

Sloping off the ceiling at an angle.

When the voices blend they sound like angels.

I hope there’s some room still in the middle.

But when I lift my voice up now to reach them.

The range is too high,

way up in heaven.

So I hold my tongue,

forget the song,

tie my shoe

start walking off.

And try to just keep moving on,

with my broken heart

and my absent God

and I have no faith

but it's all I want,

to be loved.

And believe,

in my soul.

In my soul.

In my soul.

In my soul.

Starfish..x

Listen to Starfish by Sister Hazel...Tis sooooo awesome :) it makes me smile every time I hear it...x

Hee hee...soooooo...recently I am sooo happy, more happy than I think I have ever been...Tis all cause of my Vampire Boy...and I know that sounds rather cliche...but we are not a cliche...we are Vampires...Tis vampire Love...x and it is perfect...x

I have left school...except right now I am sat in school...cause I like to see Vincent...hehe...soon though I won't be able to just randomly come in...sooo i will just have to go over to his more often...x I am staying at his house tomorrow night...:P I love staying the night with him...tis soo pretty x...just to sleep next to him, with his arm wrapped around me, is sooo beautiful :)...x I love him sooo much :)...x

Anyways...i have to go :) I am going to spend all night writing songs and playing guitar...x I am rather excited to do that :) x

OOOOh i need a picture..x

1 minuuuute x

Soooooooooo Happy!!!!!!!

I am in love!....So so so in love...I am soooo happy!!!!...I love him...Vincent Turner!...I love you baby! x x x x x x x x x always x

I WANNA BE A HIPPY AGAIN :P...x

I am happy...everything is going well :)...x I am trying not to think about school though cause that will just stress me out...x I am 100% completely and irrevokebly in love with my vampire boy...x We are going away for a weekend to whitby together :)...x I am so excited. I will love it...Just to be with him like that is awesome...x And he will be dressed all hot and stuffs...well hes hot anyway...but its the goth weekend..and i love it when hes scary :P lol...x

Goodnight world :)

Byeybyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Falling in love is hard on the knees...x

I'm feeling weird, I havn't felt myself recently, I need my vampire boy to make it all better...only thing is, he is never there...I love him with all of my heart, I only wish that I could feel closer to him...x But I guess i will just have to wait for that moment, when we can feel close like i want us to..x.

i am going to call him now, i hope he answers...x But i know that as soon as he answers the phone, all my words will disappear and i will be unable to tell him how i feel...i dont know why it happens, it just does...x

I am afraid...of falling, even though i already have...but most of all i am afraid of losing him...x

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

Time to burn...x

Fear of the dark tears me apart,
Wont leave me alone and time keeps running out

Just one more life, I'm so sick and tired
Of singing the blues, I should turn my life around

Tell me why do I feel this way
All my life I've been standing on the borderline
Too many bridges burned, Too many lies I've heard
I had a life but I cant go back
I cant do that, it will never be the same again
And I know I dont
Have any time to burn

They follow me home, disturbing my sleep
But I'll find a place, a place where they cannot find me
Maybe I'm lost, and maybe I'm scared
But too many times I've closed the doors behind me

I dont have any time to burn...x

I've gone and fucked it all up...x

I am a liar...I hate it...x

SMOKING IS BAD!...:(

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dani likes eggs...I like eggsss...x Amanda manda manda manda manda showwwwwwwwwwww!...likes eggs...x

You can do lots of things with eggs...fried, boiled, egg n soldiers, scrambled, poached, omlette, hard boiled, soft boiled...I like eggs...x

What came first??? The chicken or the egg??

Thats the burning question, it gives me indigestion...x

Hmmmmmmmmm...eggs...x

I'm doingg NUFFINK!...x

I am sat in the Library, cus i'm cool, should be doing an essay but I really cannot be arseddd...haha...x Ermmm...Me n The Supa Moocha are going to abuse Vampire Boys Ex on facebook...cause I seem to be an over-protective/obsessive girl friend...I maybe I shouldn't be bothered...ahhh nevermind...it will be funny :P...x I'm not that bad really I just love him lots of much lol...x

Yeahhhhhhhhhh soooo...x Am bored...need to keep happy...:)...*SMILE*...x

Force it... *Smile*

Okay its not working...haha...x

Maybe I am just broken????...x

'My heart is broke, but I have some glue, help me inhale, and mend it with you, we'll float around, hang out on clouds, then we'll come down, and have a hangoverrrr...'- Kurt Cobain...x

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

I love the unknown...x

I am going to treat my blog as a diary...I already do kind of...Vampire boy is very tired today...when people are sleepy it makes me depressed, I need constant hyper activity to keep my moods up...otherwise I fall...x
I saw a picture of one of his ex girlfriends today...twas strange...x I dunno why, it just felt weird...x I love him so much, tis just weird to think of him with anyone else...x To think he acted the way he does with me, with someone else...x I dunnoo, maybe we have something different to what he has ever had before...I hope so...cause I know it is that way for me...x

I like to think that I have grown up, slightly, in the ways that I view relationships. I used to plan everything, the whole future...then I found that when you do that it is easy for you to be broken...I have been broken twice and it hurts...more than I could have ever imagined.
With Vampire boy it's different, he doesnt want any of those things, which puts less pressure on me. I can just have fun and enjoy being with him...also because he is younger...I guess that plays a big part in it. I just dont want to get to the point again when I am afraid of losing him...so afraid that I lose myself...cause I have a tendancy to get like that. He is just so different...x Oh fuck it...I dont know why I'm ranting...I'm just stupid I guess...x I just want him to open up...x Arghhh what am I on about he has...he is alot more open now...x I'm just annoying...I'm annoying
myself. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

i love dani lots of much...x Dani Taylor...my Britney :)...x Bestest everrrrr....x hehe...x

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x                                                                                                           

Loverly...x

There once was a girl called charlie, who liked to drink cider with barley.
Who was constantly pissed....and vampires kissed.


adam gave up...x Vampire boy is tired...I dont want to go tonight.


CRy...x

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM!

I am going to Vampire Boys house todayyyyy...yeyyy...i like it...x
Exam...i need to reveis because I aM A retard...x fucking fuckin...fucki fuck...charlies vagina...blue waffle...i have to go on a site charlie...hee hee...x I am in a very strangeee moood todayyyyy...can you telll????...huh?!?!?! huh!?!?! HUH???!??!...X vAMPIRE BOY IS SIGHING...X YES YOU DID...X ermmm...what shall I write about...me no no...penis...I LIKE PENIS.............!!!!!!....vagina!....haha....x Spermmm....mixes with the egg then a baby pops out...eeeeeeeeeewyyy...x haha...x

Co-op chicken pasta...contains peppers...not suitable for Charlie...x cus she will ick...and die...x hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...x

Revision!...now...

picture first....Barney the dinosaur!!!!....Yeahhh you know it makes sense...x

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye...x